Say whatever comes to mind.
Resist the instinct to bite your tongue. Interrupting is permitted.
Listen to your body and verbalize what it's doing/saying.
Bodies never lie. If you say something appearing calm and collected, but your heart is racing, your heart is saying something your words might be trying to conceal. Say, “My heart is pounding” and let us wonder together what it's saying.
Pretend it's Opposite Day.
Flip it over, say the opposite, and try it on for size; sometimes we unconsciously flip things to something more tolerable and miss what we actually mean.
Make assumptions.
It’s not me, it’s you. Out in the world, we’re told not to make assumptions; in group, you can. You might be able to identify things the others haven't been able to know about themselves.
Interpret everything as potentially meaningful.
Experiment with the possibility that there are no coincidences. Your laptop runs out of charge mid-session: who are you trying to cut off? You’re late to session due to traffic: what feels jammed up in group? Who are you feeling road rage towards? If this were a dream, what would it be about?
Make the intrapsychic interpersonal.
Keep the ball in the air.
Submit the first draft.
Avoid words like “everyone” and “no one.” When we speak in generalities, it lands softer but lacks claws. Try to grab onto things, be specific, be personal. This experiment really only works if we make it personal within the group, even if it feels uncomfortable, or not 100% true. For example, don’t answer, “Who in the group do you feel closest to?” with “Everyone.” One, it’s not true; two, it’s boring; three, we can’t learn anything about what you’re drawn to and who is able to pull for that.
Don’t wait for the perfect time to say something, just say it; keep it moving, even if it feels off-topic. If it’s on your mind, it’s on-topic.
Go ahead and say your initial, unedited, unrevised version. You can change your mind later.
Tolerate the intolerable (or less tolerable).
Muscles grow more when the exercise is just beyond what’s comfortable. See if you can sit with the discomfort a little more than you’re used to: verbalize it, but don’t rush to un-do it.
Avoid generalities and be specific.
Statements like "I'm curious / perplexed / surprised" and "I'm interested / I wonder" are often used as protective barriers from how we really feel, a way to pretend we’re neutral when we’re (usually) not. You’re surprised? Like finding money in your pocket, or an unpaid parking ticket? Both could be “surprising.” Describe the feeling without the oven mitts.
Wonder who the person reminds you of.
Often when we have visceral reactions to people there is a transference of some sort—a projecting onto. Identify who group members remind you of in terms of how you feel about them; say it outloud.
Stay in the room.
Try to avoid talking about the details of your personal life; that’s for Sunday brunch or support groups. Try to stay in the room, in the here-and-now. Paradoxically, sometimes sharing about our personal lives (even the deep stuff!) can be a way to remain distant/separate. Less is More (pertaining to your home/outside life); More is More (pertaining to the here and now).
Try saying, “There is a part of me that ______, and another part of me that ________”
Often we are of two-minds about things. On one hand I don’t want to offend you, on the other hand I find myself annoyed that _______. Experiment with saying both.
We often go through life collecting evidence for conclusions we’ve drawn about the way “people are,” and the “way I have to be.” Experiment with other variables and be open to being surprised. Or if your hypothesis was correct, tell the group!